Escrita por Hoyt Axton e David Jackson, foi gravada em agosto de 1974 e lançada em 15 de novembro de 1974 no disco Goodnight Vienna, o quarto da carreira de Ringo. Depois sairia em compacto, com Snookeroo como Lado B, em 27 de janeiro de 1975. Chegou ao número 1 no Canadá e número 3 no Billboard HOT100. O narrador encontra uma mulher da Colombia que oferece a ele maconha. Uma mulher de Mallorca, Espanha, que oferece a ele cocaína e um homem de Nashville, Tennessee que oferece a ele moonshine whiskey. Ele recusa todas as ofertas dizendo que faz mal pra saúde dele. Harry Nilsson faz os backing vocals. Foi regravada pelo próprio Hoyt Axton, por Joe Dassin em francês, por Raul Seixas em português, entre outros artistas.
A letra:
A
lady that I know just came from Colombia
She smiled because I did
not understand
Then she held out some marijuani ha-ha
She said
it was the best in all the land
And I said: No no no no, I don't smoke
it no more
I'm tired of waking up on the floor
No, thank you,
please,
It only makes me sneeze
And then it
makes it hard to find the door
A woman that I know just came from
Mallorca Spain
She smiled because I did not understand
Then she held out a 10 pound bag of
Cocaine
She said it was the best in all the land
And I said: No no no no, I don't
sniff it no more
I'm tired of waking up on the floor
No,
thank you, please,
It only makes me sneeze
And then it makes it
hard to find the door
A man I know just came from Nashville
Tennessee oh
He smiled because I did not understand
Then he
held out some moonshine whiskey oh-ho
He said it was the best in
all the land
And I said: No no no no, I don't drink
it no more
I'm tired of wakin' up on the floor
No, thank you,
please,
It only makes me sneeze
And then it
makes it hard to find the door
And I said: No no no no, I can't take
it no more
I'm tired of wakin' up on the floor
No, thank you,
please,
It only makes me sneeze
And then it
makes it hard to find the door
A versão de Ringo Starr:
A versão de Joe Dassin em Francês:
A versão de Raul Seixas em português: